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23 November it's been too long......... I really don't have time to blog anymore. My life has become too busy. I need to slow down. I also haven't been blogging because I really don't have the need to now. Blogging and journaling were my outlets. Now Gabe has taken that position. Everything I need to talk about, I talk to him. Everything weighing on me, everything I struggle with, everything I need to vent about, everything I find joy in, everything I laugh about, everything I wonder about, everything..... I share with him. I've never had a closer friend. I've never found it so easy to talk to someone. I've never felt the desire and need to be so open with someone. It amazes me every day. Don't get me wrong, everything is not always beautiful and dreamy. We have our tough times. There are things that we don't understand about each other. For instance, Gabe simply cannot comprehend my need for "alone time." He is willing to respect that need and give me space when I request it, but he doesn't get it. I don't understand his desire for me to be brutally honest with him. I find it very difficult to tell him things about himself that I would not want to hear about myself. We both have annoying habits or pet peeves that we're continually discovering in each other. I'm having to adjust in many ways. We both are, really. He's not used to being responsible for another person or making decisions with someone else in mind. I'm not used to the way he handles things, his personality type is very different from my dad's. It takes time. As for wedding plans, we're not officially engaged yet. There's no ring, there has been no proposal. We do occasionally discuss ideas and gather information for when that does happen. We had hoped to be married by the end of this year, but that is obviously not going to happen. Situations have arisen that have not allowed that. It's hard to keep waiting, but it's worth it to both of us. He is the best part of my life and I'm so thankful for him. I feel very unworthy. Happy Thanksgiving and blessings to all! EJ 24 June vacationI had the opportunity to vacation for 2 weeks and visit Washington, D.C. and some surrounding areas. My brother and I went together and had such a wonderful time! Here are a few of my favorite pics from the trip......        EJ 08 June life goes on I can't believe I have been going so long between posts! I had hoped to have some news of wedding bells for you by now, but there have been setbacks. Gabe lost his job. He was layed off due to company downsizing. He put in applications every day for 3 weeks. Many places were on a hiring freeze, many simply didn't have any open positions. Gabe found out at the unemployment office that because he was layed off he could get help paying for college. So we had many long discussions and decided that he would go to college. He checked into several different schools and decided on a local community college and is now working towards becoming an RN. He has been out of school for 9 years, so it's difficult to get back into the swing of things. Several people have asked if we were going to wait to be married until after he graduates. During our discussions, we both agreed that we did not want to wait that long. We know that we have a long and difficult road ahead of us, but we are willing to face it.
EJ 17 April 2009 - the year of love? I am convinced. This year, 4 of my close friends (and most likely me) will be getting married. Two of those friends are in their early 20's, and 2 are 30 years old. One of the younger couples and one of the older couples both became engaged within 6 months of their first meetings. It amazes me when I think about it! All at once this is happening! It's crazy!!
And then a few days ago, something happened that I never saw coming. Gracie told me "I'm writing to a guy." My first thought was that it was a joke, she was making a joke about writing to someone who would probably turn out to be some old dude her family used to know or something. She's been finding alot of old friends on facebook, so this made sense. But she started laughing and acting giddy and I knew she was serious. For a long time, she has been very independent, very I-don't-need-a-man, very I'll-probably-never-marry. I was a little concerned because I knew that wasn't her true nature. I knew she was protecting herself. She had been hurt deeply by her dad when he left her mother after 30+ years of marriage and now finds it hard to trust. She had also become afraid of the idea of being in a relationship, getting to know a guy, opening up to potenial hurt, etc. I began to think she had talked herself out of the option of marriage because she would not allow anyone close enough. Then there were those rare times when she would sigh in frustration and say "If I had a husband, I wouldn't have to worry about doing this on my own! It would be so nice to have someone to take care of me!" So Gracie "introduced" me to this possible love interest. She read me parts of his letters, showed me his business website and his blog..... He is an amazing person, so perfectly suited to her! He lives out of state, but they have mutual friends. They will meet for the first time in July. She is exstatic! I've never seen her act that way over a guy, not in all the 15 years we've been friends! I am so truly happy that she has possibly found the one.
Yes, I'm convinced that this is the year for love.
 EJ 02 April how soon is too soon? As you have likely guessed, Gabe and I are talking marriage. No, he hasn't proposed. Yet. It's interesting because I never imagined it being this way. We're discussing wedding stuff before we're engaged! It just seems weird to me. We agreed that we do not want a long engagement. I told him that I needed probably about 6 months to plan a wedding without totally stressing out. He was hoping for something more like 3. We also agreed that we would like to be married sometime before the end of this year, though we're holding off on setting a date until we're actually engaged. Gabe wants me to go ahead and start picking things out, shopping, etc. right now. "It's that much you'll have out of the way when I propose to you, and then it won't take 6 months!" he says. It just seems strange to me to do that. Of course, I do have ideas in mind of what I want/like. But to actaully start planning a wedding before the proposal ever takes place??? I don't know........ He's not really adamant about it or anything, just kinda jokingly trying to convince me that it's ok. My roommate/best friend Gracie says go for it! She's so excited and ready to help! And the sooner I start planning, according to her, the less stressful the whole thing will be. My sister-in-law/best friend Elizabeth is much more hesitant. I'm not sure why. I think she tends to agree with me that it seems a little backwards.
Well, so far this is what I have picked out -
The dress is one I found while searching for hairstyles. It is the absolute perfect dress for me! However, I have yet to find it for sale. I've been searching online for weeks and haven't found one like it. I hope to at least find something similar. I would like to have a kind of fantasy/fairytale-ish theme. We're also planning to do an outdoor wedding. That's as far as I've gotten. I'd like to gather some ideas and inspiration, but just not sure how far to go on the actual planning. Maybe he'll just ask me to marry him real soon and I won't have to worry about that anymore. EJ 05 March love burns brighter than sunshine Yes, Melisa, life has been too good for me to check in. Life has also been very busy. With my schedule change, it's been very hard to find time to blog. I need to get a new computer for my house. I have to use my computer at the office for everything, and I really hate having to spend extra time at the office. Hopefully I'll be able to get one soon, and when I do I'll get internet at home. When I get internet at home, it'll be easier for me to find time to blog.
Where to begin......... My relationship with Gabe is truly wonderfully beautiful! It amazes me every day that anyone could be so happy. It is beyond my comprehension that it will only get better. I'm left speechless.
We said "I love you" to each other for the first time ever on Valentine's Day. We had agreed not to say it until we had given it alot of thought and prayer so it wouldn't be done too casually. We had also agreed that the first time must be in person - face to face - not on the phone or instant messenger or email, etc. I was ready a couple of weeks before that, but the right opportunity never would arise so I kept waiting. We had a date for Valentine's Day, and he walked me to my door afterwards. We were standing there on the porch. I started to hand him the gift I had for him and said "There's something I have to tell you before I give this to you." I looked deep into his eyes, took a long breath, and said "I love you." He smiled and said that I had ruined his surprise. He was planning to tell me the same thing at that same moment. He pulled out his cell phone and messed with it for a minute, then sighed and said "Oh well. I was going to play a song for you, but it won't work now. Guess I'll just have to sing it to you." And he did. We stood there under the porch light as he sang to me. Then he told me he loved me and couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with me. It was extremely hard to say goodnight that evening.
We see each other 2 or 3 times a week, but only for short times usually. We talk on the phone every day, averaging about 4 hours per day. Twice we have stayed up talking most of the night. We've discussed everything from movies and music to childbirth. I have also been reading to him from my journal. We've shared lots of tears over that. It's been a great way to open discussions about our past. Our relationship has progressed so quickly that it seems the past 2 months have made up for the past 2 years we were apart. One thing we do not doubt - that time apart and the difficulties we've faced have made our relationship so much more precious!
Gabe told me that always thought he'd be the type of guy that found it hard to say "I love you." He said he figured his girlfriend/wife would say it and he'd respond with "yeah" or "me too" or something like that. But he said he wanted to tell me so bad the first time that he felt his chest would explode if he didn't. He even slipped and almost said it on the phone a few times. He said he can't tell me often enough now. He called me the other day. I picked up the phone and said "hey". He shouted "I love you!" LOL He knows how to keep me smiling.
God is good. Life is beautiful.
EJ 24 December Joyous Christmas!
I've been doing alot of thinking the past few days. About my future. This is the first Christmas I've been able to look at my life and not say "This is exactly where I was last year and exactly where I'll be next year. Again. Still stuck here in the same cycle. Like that ladybug I watched crawling along my bead necklace on the dresser for 3 days... always moving, yet never getting anywhere." This coming year will be very different, I'm sure. In fact, a year ago I would never have imagined I would be where I am now. So many things have changed in the past few months. Life has a way of doing that. Gabe and I were talking about what we bought for each other for Christmas. He was throwing out guesses, and based on my hints he jokingly guessed that I had gotten him a package of batteries. He said that would've made a very memorable gift. Instantly my thoughts became dark and my mind went back to the last Christmas I spent with the guy I almost married 10 years ago. I couldn't find "the perfect gift" so I gave him 12 small gifts and a Christmas card with each one. Each was numbered to be opened 12 consecutive days - the 12 days of Christmas. He told me it was the most memorable gift he'd ever received. He loved it so much that he wanted us both to do it again the next Christmas, and possibly make it a tradition. Then he walked out of my life forever less than a month later. My subconscious doesn't want to think future, doesn't want to plan that far ahead, because of past events such as that. How can one mind contain both the desire to spend a lifetime with someone and the resistance to thinking ahead for fear that those plans may be interrupted? Then I look back and remember times when life seemed to throw a curve ball so to speak. Like when Gabe's dream of joining the military was crushed because of his partial hearing loss, or like when I was crushed by that one guy walking out of my life...... Where would we be right now if those plans had been fulfilled?
In spite of all my deep thoughts and the lurking darkness in my mind, I'm having a really wonderful Christmas season. I've been extremely busy, but trying to take time to enjoy the most wonderful time of the year. I pray that you all have a Christmas filled with joy!
EJ
10 December update on life As I mentioned, I'm living with Gracie. We're sharing a house. Without going into alot of unpleasant details, I'll tell you why. I don't remember if I had told you that I was living with my parents. I'd never had a reason to move out and they wanted me to stay. It allowed me to save money I would've spent on rent. I also mentioned a little while back that I hadn't told my parents that Gabe and I were getting back together. So I told them. They were extremely unhappy. We had a big fight. Like the biggest fight I've ever had with anyone. They wanted me to forget him. They were even more unhappy when I told them it was my decision that I had come to after much much prayer and deep thought, and that I planned to follow through regardless of their opinion. It was hard to talk to them about it without portraying an "in your face" "you can't stop me" attitude. I don't feel that way at all. I just knew in my heart that if I allowed them to sway me, I'd become bitter towards them. A bitterness that might have never gone away. So, as a result, I moved out. I couldn't live in their house with that kind of tension between us, and knowing Gabe wouldn't be welcome there. It was a very difficult step because I'm very close to my family. It was painful to see their disappointment in me. They think I'm ruining my life.
Gracie has been begging me to move in with her ever since she got this house almost 2 years ago. The past month and a half has been great! I couldn't ask for a better roommate. We're so much alike and understand each other so well. So I will probably live there until Gabe and I get married. I don't know how long that will be. We're taking baby steps in our relationship. There are still things to work through, but we're making it.
Life is good!
EJ 03 December strange occurance A couple of weeks ago, I woke up from a dream about a friend I haven't seen or spoken to in almost a year. We've never been close friends, she's not someone I think of often. In my dream, she was very upset - crying, heartbroken, in despair.... I was comforting her. She held on to me for a long time, clinging to me. She kept telling me thank you for being there for her and for helping her. When I woke up, my heart felt very heavy. I couldn't get her off my mind all day. I finally sent her an e-mail saying that she had been on my mind, that I hoped things were going well, and that I'd like to see her again soon. She replied later that day saying all was well except her youngest son had been sick but he was getting better, and that she missed me too. I didn't give it much thought after that.
Ten days after that dream, my parents received a phone call from this friend's husband. Their youngest son, 4 years old, had just been diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor. He is in surgery as I write.
EJ 26 November giving thanksI'm thankful for...
1. a reconciled relationship that I had given up on
2. a man that totally adores me, more than I could ever deserve
3. my best friend Gracie as a roommate
4. a great job
5. a 50 cent raise
6. and a bonus last quarter as big as my paycheck
7. a big brother who is protective and caring
8. a little brother who misses me alot
9. a 1 1/2 year old niece who is quickly becoming very attached to me
10. so many amazing friends
11. a truly amazing God who has shown me time after time that He is at work in my life
Much has taken place in the past month. I'll blog about it soon. My schedule has changed and I no longer have internet at home so it's difficult to find time. I pray that all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
God bless.
EJ 05 November you don't remember me? There's nothing like being all excited about getting back in contact with a friend you haven't seen in 10 years only to hear them say "I don't remember you." I located this guy on facebook. He was on my friend's friends list. I was so happy! We had been good friends when we were teenagers. I sent him a message asking him to add me to his friends list. He sent me a message back saying "I don't remember you, but your name sounds familiar." Uh... gee thanks. I didn't see him often, maybe 3 or 4 times a year. He lived in a different state. But when I visited there, we hung out together alot. I got a little sinking feeling when I read his message. Oh well.... 20 October here we go........... Gabe and I talked. We're back together. It's amazing........... He's more than excited. There's not a word for it. He's bouncing off the walls now! lol Not many people know yet. Gracie and Elizabeth are very happy and very excited for me. My sister looked stunned. My brother is..... well, I think he's happy for me, but concerned. He's very protective. I know he doesn't want to see me hurt again. And he doesn't want to see me end up with the wrong person. My pastor and his wife are also very supportive. I haven't told my parents yet.
So far we've been mostly e-mailing, really long e-mails. We haven't actually started "dating" so to speak. We agreed that we should go slow and take time to get to know each other again. It's been two and a half years.
As for me? I just have this feeling of calm. A feeling of supreme peace. A feeling of yeah.... this is where I belong.
EJ 15 October I decided... ... that I want to get back with Gabe. Am I crazy? All this time, I've tried my hardest to put him out of my mind and heart. But it's just not happening. The only time I came close was when I was to the point of blocking out all emotion (recall my "brick wall" posts). We've been talking more lately when we see each other. (Not like "seeing" each other as in an arranged meeting, but when we run into each other.) For a long time we just said hi in passing and that's about it. But lately we've been having actual conversations. He's different than he was 2 years ago. I'm not the only one who has noticed. His friends have mentioned to me how he's changed. I've changed too. I refused to give it a chance though, because I knew I'd face opposition from some who think he's not right for me. I was so tired of hurting that I didn't want to risk any more emotional pain. No, wait... there's no risk. It's certain. I've been wanting to get back with him really bad. I just felt that it wasn't worth the trouble. About 2 months ago, something got a hold of me and caused me to wake up and stop being so selfish. I decided that I love him enough to deal with opposition. I believe he's worth fighting for. I'm ready to face it. Because I love him. That much.
I've spent the past 2 months in very sincere prayer and Bible study every day. I've fasted and prayed one day each week. I wanted to know beyond any doubt that I'm making the right choice. I wanted God to know that I'm serious about this. God has spoken to my heart about so many things during this time. He has given me such amazing peace deep inside. I've come to the point that I'm ready to tell Gabe and I'm ready to tell everyone else. I'm scared. It's like heading into battle... knowing there'll be pain, knowing there'll be casualties... yet feeling very certain that there will also be victory.
EJ 01 October Ii am: tired
i think: deeply i know: God is able to do exceeding abundantly above all I ask or think i want: a car i have: too much on my mind i wish: my future was clear i hate: making hard decisions i miss: spending time with my friends i fear: failure i feel: drained
i hear: silence
i smell: fresh air i crave: learning i search: for the truth i wonder: often i regret: few things i love: books i ache: inside i care: more than you know i always: smile i am not: what I seem i believe: I can do better i dance: in my heart i sing: when I'm sad
i don't always: do what I should i fight: with myself i write: in my journal i win: in the end - God promised
i lose: myself in a book i never: have enough time i confuse: other people i listen: to my ipod i can usually be found: alone i am scared: of what I might face i need: more faith EJ 18 September the moonI took this pic Sunday night (the night before the actual full moon). Still trying to get the hang of night photography. Anyway, it reminded me of a journal entry from a few years back.
Personal Journal Entry Dated 1-21-03:
Truly the heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament showeth His handiwork! God is so awesome and His creation is marvellous! I'm in total awe right now as I sit looking out the window of the plane. The clouds are below us with an almost full moon shining down. It reminds me of a vast desert stretching as far as the eye can see, the sand rippled from the wind. The surface sparkles as the soft glow of the moon bounces off in every direction. Occasionally, a ray of light peaks through a hole in the clouds, reminding me that the earth still exists beneath that thick blanket.
~later~
When I stepped out of the front door of the airport, I was breathless once again. The snow sparkled like silver glitter falling from the sky. It was the most beautiful snow I've ever seen! I could have stood out there for hours watching it. That's my second favorite thing to do. My first is lying outside looking at the stars, the second is standing outside watching the snow fall all around me. I can't explain the closeness I feel to God when I do those two things. I see His power, and I'm filled with that peace that passes all understanding.
"When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou has ordained; what is man, that thou art mindful of him?" -from Psalm 8
EJ 03 September hmmmm...... I haven't had much to say recently. My life has been pretty normal and uneventful, yet busy. I always feel the need to write something that will make you think or make you laugh. I don't know how often I accomplish that, but I feel the need regardless. When I don't have anything great to say, I have a hard time writing. I know, I put the pressure on myself. But I'm thinking... You know, there are lots of other blogs out there written by people who have much more interesting things to say. Why do you even mess with it? You have like 3 people who read this! And if you don't have anything interesting to say, why would anyone read it? Is it worth the time? You could be doing something else with those couple of hours a week you spend blogging, something much more productive.
But I need this outlet. During the year or so that I didn't blog, I missed it sooooo much! I hold things in alot. Probably too much. Between this and my journal, I know that I can let it out without really telling anyone within my circle of acquaintances. It helps relieve the emotional pressure that builds up inside me. I don't have to face you. I don't have to worry about what you think of me when I reveal my inner thoughts, my true feelings. Writing is my therapy. So even if nobody read it, I'd probably still write it... if only for my own benefit.
I've been very emotional lately. Or rather, very emotionally unstable. I feel so on edge. It seems that every little thing sets off an emotional trigger. For example, my sister did my laundry for me, trying to be helpful because she knew I was really busy. She does this fairly often. I'm fine with it, I appreciate it. But this time something happened and my new white top came out looking light blue tie-dyed. When I saw it, I almost started crying. I started yelling at her, "What did you do?! Do you know how long it took me to find just the right top and now you've totally ruined it and I've only worn it twice!! How could you be so careless?!" etc, etc... I never react that way. I knew it was an accident. I was surprised to feel such anger rising in me over something so small.
I've also been trying my very hardest not to cry, because once it starts it won't stop. Another example: One of my friends gave me a card, just a generic card with a short note saying that many times my efforts go unnoticed and that she wanted me to know she appreciates all I do. I got all teary-eyed and I felt it coming. It's a good thing I was alone when I read it. I started bawling, and I couldn't stop for 5 minutes! I mean, I'm an emotional person, but that's just crazy! Any other time I would've said "aw, how sweet" and given her a hug and been done with it.
It's so strange. I feel like I'll either blow up or break down over everything! It's kinda scary.
EJ 20 August just let the kid play I read this article this week. I totally agree and I'm glad people are trying to get the message out to the public. I grew up with a very simple childhood. I grew up in the 80's and 90's, yet I had no video games and, for several years, no TV. (I don't mean none of my own, I mean none in the house!) I took piano lessons and my brother played baseball. That's all. I read lots of books. I played outside with my brother and cousins. We built hide-outs with tree branches and set up trip wires with vines. We dug fox holes. We found treasures like animal traps and eating utensils, and we imagined cowboys making camp there a hundred years ago and how they lost their fork. It was the best....
What, I wonder, will they be missing if they come home from first grade and do what I did as a little kid: nothing?
Some of the world's most prominent talents have emerged at a very human pace from decidedly average or even troubled beginnings. "Leonard Bernstein started playing the piano at 10," notes Rosenfeld. "And until George Gershwin discovered music, he specialized, apparently with considerable success, in being a child hoodlum." And Michael Jordan, one of the great athletes of all time? "At first, he didn't make his high school's J.V. basketball team."
Relentlessly provide your child with homework and structured activities, experts say, and you will be teaching him what to think. Leave plenty of room for self-directed play and unstructured time, and you will be teaching him how to think. "It's in playing that we first learn to think for ourselves, and perhaps only in playing that we can truly be ourselves," says Linn.
All work and no play makes Jack not just a dull boy but, in the long run, a less happy and productive one, too. In the leisure time kids manage to squeeze out between appointments, they're often engaged in electronic media — computers, television. Which may be sometimes educational and entertaining, but they are not play; in fact, according to Linn, they are usually "antithetical to play." Play is about discovering what the world is for yourself; most computer games and television shows are presenting you with a world invented by a programmer, where you are either a passive spectator or a character defined and limited by rules that other people have engineered. There is speed, noise, action, distraction. But to develop into a creative being in this noisy, fast-paced, electronics-filled world, Linn insists, children need "time, space, and silence."
Alexandra Robbins interviewed kids of all ages; she found some as young as 6 who complained of stress, and 8-year-olds who were carrying day planners. "Kids may have lots of energy, but they get as tense as adults would when they're overscheduled," Robbins says.
Our children are spending larger and larger chunks of time with stuff and less time with people. "Think about it," says Elkind. "Even with something as simple as a car ride ... parents used to use car time to talk to their kids, and now the kids are watching DVDs in the backseat."
Forty percent of American schools have either eliminated a daily recess period or are considering doing away with it, according to a survey of 15,000 elementary school districts by the American Association for the Child's Right to Play.
"With more schools needing to post test scores in newspapers, principals and administrators are searching wildly to find additional time to prepare kids for those tests," says Rhonda Clements, Ed.D., an education professor at Manhattanville College in Purchase, NY, who conducted the survey. The irony is that making kids sit in class is probably the least effective way to raise test scores, says Clements. "You want to keep children alert and attentive to task," she explains. "It's impossible to do this if a child is sitting at a desk all day. We call exercise 'nourishing a sluggish brain.' " Exercise is also a key antidote to the widespread problem of childhood obesity. And not only does recess help children's waistlines, Clements adds, but it also teaches them important life skills such as decision making and problem solving. Why can't parents just let kids be just what they are? Why force them into a highly-scheduled stressful lifestyle prematurely? They only have a few short years, let them play.
EJ
14 August random thoughts"We bring you stories of the supernatural and the supernormal, dramatizing the fantasies and the mysteries of the unknown. We tell you this frankly so that if you wish to avoid the excitement and tension of these imaginative plays, we urge you calmly but sincerely to turn off your radio now." ~the introduction to the radio show "Lights Out" from the 1930's-1940's.
Every time I hear that, it cracks me up. To think that people found these shows too suspenseful for their own health... Makes you wonder what would've been the reaction if one of today's horror or sci-fi movies were played back then. Remember the original broadcast of "War of the Worlds"?
My brother who likes to argue points such as "Big Foot exists simply because you cannot prove he does not exist", created a new word last week - vampirize. This word, pronounced VAMP-uh-rize, basically is a combination of vampire and terrorize and means to terrorize by means of a vampire, as in "Dracula vampirized London." As opposed to vam-pire-ize which means to convert to a vampire, as in "Dracula vampirized his victims." My other brother complained that it didn't make sense, so that started the debate. That's always fun.
Also last week, same brilliant brother begins a debate with same skeptical brother about "deleting" people. It actually began several days earlier when someone mentioned deleting someone's name from an electronic game as a joke. So the phrase "I'm going to delete you" kind of caught on. They began debating about how it's a logical wording for killing someone. It has the same basic meaning of "eliminating" someone. He said that when you delete an object on a computer, it's gone forever. Therefore, sending something to the recycle bin is like being sent to the hospital - sometimes you recover and go back home, sometimes you don't survive. So when something is restored from the recycle bin, it's like a near-death experience. Skeptical brother says "Huh?" I say it makes sense. I say that I like it so much that I want to rename my recycle bin to "near-death experience". But the recycle bin can't be renamed. Oh well.
I colored my hair for the first time ever. It was dark brown, now it's deep auburn red. The color changes with the lighting. It's not very different, but I wasn't wanting a drastic change. I mainly wanted to blend in the gray hairs. I used henna. It was quite an experience. My hair is down to my hips, so it was a chore getting the mud-like mixture all through it. Then I had to leave all like ten pounds of it piled on my head wrapped in plastic for four hours. Then I went out into the yard and used a garden hose to rinse it all out. It was time consuming, but I'm really happy with it. I like the new color alot!
 EJ 06 August I've been taggedI was tagged by Joanne at My Spirit Soars
My list:
Since I only recently finished my 101 list, this was difficult. I had to really try hard to come up with eight more.
1. I colored my hair for the first time ever last week.
2. My shoe size is 10.
3. I wish I could write poetry.
4. My friends sometimes say I have a selective memory.
5. I'd rather read a book than watch a movie.
6. I rarely stick to a recipe when I cook.
7. My brother says I have my boss fooled into thinking I'm a quiet and sweet person.
8. I experience dejavu alot.
EJ 28 July forgiveness (part 4)...
I don't even remember what he said that triggered it. (I tried to get a recording of his sermon, but discovered it wasn't recorded.) It was barely five minutes into his sermon and I could hardly control myself. It seemed like every sentence stabbed deeper into my soul. I got up and went to the restroom and burst into tears. My heart was so broken by the fact that I had held onto these feelings and let them rule me. I mean, how rediculous is it that I wouldn't type his name because of how I felt about him?! I had never experienced such strong bitterness and anger! I asked God to forgive me and to help me let go of it and get past it. I couldn't believe the burden it lifted from me. Like Melissa commented below, I had been stewing in my righteous anger. My anger was justified! I hadn't even realized the weight it had become. Since then, I've had no trouble typing his name when I come across it at work. It still makes me sad to think about all the destruction he caused, the people who were affected, the friends I lost. But now I can talk about what happened without anger swelling up inside me. I praise God for that.
EJ |
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